When I'm unoccupied (I'll not use the word "free" as it seems to me that "being free" is something desirable, like being idle yet carefree at the same time) negative thoughts haunt me. As much as I want to put these thoughts away, it is everything but possible.
I really don't wish to blog such sad stuffs all the time but these are truly the only thoughts that run through my mind. Chose to be the pessimist and I'm living with it. One thing I can never understand is optimism. Optimism to me is like self-delusion, a thinking that only serves to comfort oneself temporarily. Imagine the devastation when you're confronted by harsh realities; my heart couldn't take these blows.
At times I really wish to quit my life. Being the oldest child in my family, there's no one here to guide me, and my parents are hopeless when it comes to official matters. Sucks to be me.
Will I ever be liberated from all this shit? After uni, you worry about your career. After having a career you worry about not being able to get a HDB flat to set up your own family. And the troubles and worries go on and on. Till the moment you see the bright white light. Only then will you be able to live in peace. But wait, you're dead, so you only get to rest in peace. Alas, this is life.
I finally know how to describe what I'm feeling - it's like a perpetual silent scream. You're the only who sense the fear, the agony. You want the whole world to know but no matter how hard you try, no one will hear you. Your world consist of you and only you.
And my blog is like this amplifier that allows me to be heard by the other earthlings. They hear this mini scream.
I want to learn French. Someone teach me?
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